The announcement that the biopic that Martin Scorcese wants to make about Frank Sinatra, obviously citing his marriage to Ava Gardner, has been blocked by the singer’s family should not cause so much surprise. Their marriage was brief, barely six years old, but there was no way for the public to shake off the idea that they were “the love of each other’s lives”. Yes, I bought this romantic idea myself, but we should be careful with the love stories that Hollywood sells us wrong.

The list of couples that fans, well, “stan”, regardless of whether their relationship was toxic or traumatic, or simply temporary, is long. The blame sometimes comes from the artists themselves, but often it is just the collective imagination. Were the romances overwhelming? Yes of course! But in many cases, one of the parties has moved on, created another family and we are still talking about a passage in their biography. Why do we do this?

“Everything that is built in fantasy, in illusion, in utopia, is very easy, it is beautiful, it is done your way, you assemble, disassemble, dress, undress, color, bleach”, explains psychoanalyst João Batista Ferreira. “Whereas reality demands that you walk, that you strive, that you do. So, the illusion is great, it’s delicious and, in fact, it calms us for a few moments”, he assesses.

The Golden Sextet of “Wrong Love” in Golden Hollywood

Frank Sinatra and Ava Gardner, Lawrence Olivier and Vivien Leigh, and Richard Burton and Liz Taylor form the golden sextet of this version of Hollywood romance, whose reality is very different. In other words, we can go earlier, but considering that Viv and Larry (as they were called by friends and fans became the same intimacy), were in the 1930s, we have in the three couples more than 85 years of building an outdated romantic ideal.

Let’s see what the three stories have in common:

1- They are beautiful, talented, and famous and they fell in love even though they were married to other people, leaving everything and facing the moralistic criticism of their time to live this great love.

2- Except for Sinatra and Ava, because he was down and no one believed in him as an actor, the couple became a brand on screen and on stage, making films and plays together

3- The three marriages ended in divorce and their lives continued without their partners forming families with others

4- Their love story still inspires books, documentaries, and films

I don’t take a second away from the passion they felt for each other. I read all the biographies about each of them, there isn’t a page that doesn’t highlight the intensity, romance, and happiness they had together, but there are also tears, abuse, betrayal, and separation. So why do we choose, as the song says, to only remember the good times?

The reality and the image they sell: romantic distortion

Vivien Leigh and Laurence Olivier were together for 20 years, forming the UK’s golden couple during difficult war years, so there is an element of fantasy and escapism in this image of the two of them together. They were unbeatable in Shakespeare plays and prestigious theater authors, she was the Scarlett O’Hara and Blanche Dubois of cinema, how could we not idealize them?

In fact, for at least 10 years of the relationship (some argue more than that), the marriage faced the mental health problems of Vivien, who suffered from bipolar disorder when the illness had not yet been properly identified and the treatment was electric shocks. The couple had romances with other people, and there was mutual physical aggression (well, he claims to have suffered attacks, but only Vivien appeared in public with injuries).

In the last two years, they were together for a facade. Larry left her for actress Joan Plowright, almost 30 years his junior and with whom he was married until her death, three decades later. They had children and were happy, but Joan lives to this day under the shadow of his ex-wife, cited as the love of Olivier’s life. Do you think this is fair or even right?

The blame doesn’t just lie with us, the fans. He, in his autobiography, dedicates more than half of the book to talking about marriage and Vivien, “protecting” the intimacy of his marriage with Joan by avoiding many details. But he says clearly that, although he loved Vivien, it was with Joan that he found fulfillment. But this love does not seem to arouse general interest.

Something similar was experienced by Elizabeth Taylor and Richard Burton in the 1960s. When a couple falls in love playing Mark Antony and Cleopatra, it is impossible for the public not to project the legend of this historical love (also sold very strongly in romantic idealism), do you agree? And it was overwhelming.

Liz and Dickie – yes, just like Viv and Larry, fans are intimate – fell in love and divorced practically in front of the cameras. They traveled the world, drank until they dropped together, bought rare and expensive jewelry, and starred in films and plays on Broadway, they were “The Burtons” and all excesses were expected of them. They married not just once, but twice.

Even when separated and married to others, they remained friends and in love, as Liz always said. For me, they represent the dangers of co-dependency, of a toxic love that we should use as a warning, not inspiration. However, there are plays and books about them, as well as several more film and series projects that have already been made. They got us hooked on a story that is of course fascinating. A love story, as we call it, “typical of Hollywood”.

The same applies to the marriage of Frank Sinatra and Ava Gardner, which is at the heart of the controversy in Martin Scorcese‘s film. The director chose a strong duo to play them: Jennifer Lawrence and Leonardo DiCaprio, who will obviously (eventually) do a great job. But, the Sinatra family is not happy with the story.

No one can judge Nancy Sinatra to be a little suspicious that the role of the woman who was the final straw for her father and mother’s marriage is destined for one of the most beloved, likable, and talented actresses of the moment. Obviously, she will bring supporters to this great love story.

Normally, people would say Nancy is like this because Ava Gardner “destroyed” the life of Nancy Barbato, her mother, but, until she entered the singer’s life, he had already been with all the famous actresses in Hollywood. Openly. The difference is when he met Ava, fell in love, and wanted to marry her, defying the Church to ask for a divorce and stay with his lover. Yes, Frank Sinatra, a typical man of his time, was the model for all men: a womanizer, bossy, handsome, and adored.

Sinatra never wrote a biography or gave interviews about his personal life, which never stopped others from doing so for him. Ava, older, wrote a book that I recommend reading given the total sincerity and humor with which she looked at herself and others. She says that “in bed, there were never fights”. Outside of it, the two liked to drink and provoke each other into big arguments, whose reconciliations were as memorable as the rooms they broke and the insults they exchanged. Talking about such an unhealthy love (he threatened to take his life for her more than once) as if it were romantic is a total inversion of moral values and mental health, I’m sorry.

The marriage “ended,” according to her, after she deliberately cheated on him. The fact that Frank never wrote a song, but made a song for her – I’m a Fool To Want You – gives this passion an unbeatable soundtrack, a low blow to our hearts. But make no mistake: once again it is Hollywood selling us the wrong love.

We haven’t learned our lesson, we still want more

It would be easy to say that falling into this trap is a generational issue, but not even millennials seem to have learned. All the myths behind the relationship between Stevie Nicks and Lindsey Buckingham, Madonna, and Sean Penn, or even those who still like to think about Johnny Depp with Kate Moss, or, even worse, Brad Pitt and Jeniffer Aniston prove that we still idealize a tormented and unhealthy love. Love shouldn’t be suffering!

In general terms of these four couples (there are more, I picked the most obvious ones), none of them stayed together for much longer than 5 or six years, which suggests that they were remarkable, but temporary, relationships. Depp and Moss are always cited as “the face of the 1990s”, but even though she made it official that the end was not due to domestic violence, many destroyed hotel rooms still signal unstable personalities.

Their friendship is cute without a doubt, but it was with Vanessa Paradis that he lived the longest and had his children. This love story doesn’t seem to delight fans as much as they were delighted to see the ex-couple’s reunion during his trial against his ex-wife, Amber Heard. And I don’t even consider them the worst example.

Madonna and Sean Penn, when married, were the “toxic Penns”, fighting with each other and with the paparazzi with the same frequency and violence. Their love lasted until the release of an album, True Blue, but when the singer began her world tour and he was arrested, the divorce came quickly.

He married Robin Wright, had two children, won an Oscar, separated, dated several famous actresses, got married, separated, and still fans are thrilled when he and Madonna meet up to chat (yes, they became friends) and he is in the audience when she sings True Blue (written for him), in an acoustic version. And so we have to forget that (reportedly) he left her tied up with her head inside the kitchen oven, or, as her brother describes in his book, was so violent that she ran to another room in the hotel to hide from him? The past is the past, Madonna forgave and overcame what they experienced, and none of that is a problem. What is still strange is idealizing this love between the two.

Just as newspapers and social media are rooting for Jennifer Aniston to get back together with Brad Pitt after he split from Angelina Jolie. I don’t know if everything or none of what Angelina claims to have gone through in the 14 years she was with him, in the six years she was with Jen he openly cheated on her and when she was still dealing with the horn she was traveling the world with her new girlfriend, posing for magazines with one happy family and having no less than six children with the other. No people,

Brad wasn’t nice to Jen. In nothing. Just like Madonna, she proves to be an amazing woman for forgiving him and still being friendly. But, if you like Jennifer Aniston, root for a decent and nice man, not one like Mr. Pitt.

But of course, I couldn’t fail to mention the couple that the series Daisy Jones and The Six introduced to new generations: Stevie Nicks and Lindsay Buckingham. Yes, they have a minimally “dense” story. They met as teenagers, met again as adults, fell in love, and made music together. But when they joined the band that would make them legendary, Fleetwood Mac, they were already separated. Their relationship is bizarre, to say it is toxic would be an understatement.

And why do we buy it and love it so much? For the music. The songs they reportedly wrote for each other are rock classics – You Can Go Your Own Way and Dreams are just two of them – and I am a fan and devour this romance. But he’s not healthy, folks. It could never be the basis of what we should expect from a love story. The fact that Stevie and Lindsay talk about each other openly and, moreover, sing while facing each other and crying frequently, feeds this myth. How far has marketing gone and where has reality ended?

And that’s what I draw attention to. We can hope, we can imagine, hope, and even fantasize, but in times when mental health finally takes priority, it is important to know how to choose “the true love story”. Some go right, and many go wrong. But they should never, EVER, include lack of respect, abuse, or manipulation. Looking back at the few I mentioned, do you realize that Hollywood hasn’t changed? Careful!

But, in case you are thinking about my bitterness, I also listen to Dr. João Batista Ferreira. The

“It’s good that we have fantasy. Woe to those who don’t fantasize, right? Woe to those who don’t live in a utopia, life becomes very cold, I would say it practically withers. In everyday life you will build a love, care for it, fight for it, suffer for it, this doesn’t have the plasticity of the beautiful couples in cinema, television, literary jokes, and beautiful books that serve as distractions”, he comments.

“The one who wakes up to brush his teeth, the one who discusses the unpaid bill, the one who goes to bed and makes love with great tenderness, this is possible, but it takes work. Whoever accepts the challenge will go far, and can live this love, with great creativity and with great consequences for their social and personal life. It is very good for the heart and soul. Those who don’t fight will only want to live in fantasy, they will go through life and not live,” he warns.

Pesquisar

Pesquisar